“My God, my God, why have thou forsaken me?”
In this scene from the Judeo-Christian Bible, Jesus has just been tortured, ridiculed and crucified. He goes on to say that not only is his heart broken, but that it is like wax and has melted amidst his bowels. That is some pretty vivid imagery reflecting some pretty serious despair.
For me, Jesus seems to be saying: “I am just a peace-loving guy doing my thing, living my Truth and doing what I felt you, God, were guiding me to do. Now all this pain and suffering is coming down on me. What gives? Where are you now, when I need you most?”
This is a very painful scene. Here is the protagonist who always had his act together. He was always in tune with his Truth and connected to Divinity. Yet here he is, this super-human being, expressing doubt, being very human.
We know from how the story proceeds that God was indeed there the whole time for Jesus. He was not abandoned, yet he suffered most right before realizing his ultimate Truth and unification with God.
I like this story so much because it normalizes the feeling of doubt. It says, “Doubt is okay.” Doubt is part of the human equation and part of the process of unifying with our Divine nature.
This story also tells me that living one’s Truth isn’t always easy. There will be pain, suffering and ridicule. We will at times feel abandoned for having followed what seemed to be our Divine calling at the time.
This story tells me that times may indeed be darkest before the dawn. It tells me to persevere, to have Faith and to see the bigger picture where true Communion can occur between our Humanity and the Divinity that lies within us and around us. It tells me that Faith in Divinity is ultimately Faith in Humanity as well, in terms of our ability to get past doubt and connect with the Divine.
“We must always trust in the difficult, then what now appears to us as the most alien will become our most intimate and trusted experience.” -Rainer Rilke
Faith vs. Knowingness
Faith connects us to Divinity when we forget that we are connected. With knowingness, we feel Divine presence at all times, even during the toughest of trials and tribulations. With knowingness, we simply know that God is present and that any pain and suffering is part of the human condition and the “lesson plan” for our soul. We can accept life’s events when we recognize that this life represents but a minute in the full story of our soul and our path towards Truth. We can experience the Divine daily through the forms of Communion that we have come to hone─ Meditation, Prayer, Gratitude, Devotion, Generosity, Service to others or any combination of spiritual elements in this book.
A sense of knowingness in regards to Faith was expressed by the famous psychiatrist, Carl Jung, who, when asked if he believed in God, answered, “I have had the experience of being gripped by something that is stronger than myself, something that people call God. So, I will never say that I believe that God exists. I must say I know God exists!”
I use the words Faith and knowingness interchangeably. Perhaps there is a spectrum to the element of Faith. On one end, a person is riddled with doubt— but may still have some Faith. At the other the end, there is Knowingness, i.e. a state of full-blown Faith with little or no doubt.
How do we bridge the gap between doubt-filled, anxiety-laden Faith and Faith as knowingness? We do it by the work we do that is geared towards Communion and awakening. The more we experience God, the more we know that God is present. We undertake whatever practices work for us to bring us into Communion and awakening. Those practices are much of what the Periodic Table of Spiritual Elements is about.
Faith is also about Acceptance of each moment as it is and Surrendering to live in that moment while, at the same time, feeling Divine presence. In order to do this we have to have a tolerance for uncertainty. We have to relinquish our tendencies for control of all outcomes. We allow for vulnerability. We steer a course based upon our best notion of the Truth and we also allow ourselves to end up in a different spot than intended. We allow for mystery over mastery.
We let go. We let God guide us.
“No Coward Soul Mine; No trembler in the world’s storm-troubled sphere; I see heaven’s glories shine; And faith shines equal arming me from fear.” -With wide-embracing love
Thy spirit animates eternal years
Pervades and broods above,
Changes, sustains, dissolves, creates and rears
Emily Bronte
Tolerance for Uncertainty
Faith requires us to tolerate, accept, and even at times embrace uncertainty. It is difficult for many people to tolerate uncertainty and relinquish control of— or even the pursuit of control of— all outcomes. We are taught to master our domains, achieve goals and get things done. In tolerating uncertainty, we still achieve goals and get things done, yet we are okay with a varied course should our Truth lead us there. We are not in a constant state of stress, always trying to control matters outside of ourselves.
In the field of mental health, low tolerance for uncertainty is associated with anxiety disorders. In an extreme example, a person wrestling with agoraphobia cannot even stand the uncertainty of what might happen should they leave their house. These individuals are often called “shut-ins.” Likewise, perfectionists are often people driven by a low tolerance for uncertainty. They try to control all circumstances and outcomes, sometimes making life unbearable for themselves and those around them. Perfectionism is also commonly driven by anxiety.
When we have anxiety and low tolerance for uncertainty, we are lacking Faith in Divinity— or, at least, in our ability to tap into it. Anxiety sets our minds spinning and keeps our Bodies in a stress-response mode, blocking our ability to tap into capacities to Commune with Divinity, to feel Divinity and to have Faith in its presence.
When we are feeling this way, it is simply time to slow down, breathe consciously, and center within ourselves so we can commune with God.
When we trust, let go and embrace uncertainty, the mental chatter in our own minds, which expresses the fear of uncertainty, subsides. The quietness that follows then allows the unfolding Universe to interact with our own Intuition. We get clearer direction from within our own hearts. We become steadfast on a new path which may be riddled with uncertainty and, yes, sometimes perceived as impractical by others around us. Despite the naysayers, when we are employing Faith, we feel more certain about our direction and decisions than ever before.
“We must walk consciously only part way toward our goal, and then leap in the dark to our success.” -Henry David Thoreau
Doubt Invites Communion and Builds Faith
Doubt is an invitation to commune with Divinity. When we are in doubt, it means we have wandered away from “home” (our Truth and our connection to God) and we are in need of a reunion to remind us where we come from (Divinity). We are like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz She had the capacity to simply click her heels and go home at any time and we too have this capacity. What equates to the “clicking of the heels” might differ for each of us. For many of us, it means some kind of break away from what can be there hurry of lives. There is a need to step back and go within, through Meditation, Solitude, Service to others, or an escape to Nature.
I am near the end of writing this book and have just five element chapters left to write. The other morning, I woke up in a mood of heavy doubt. I wanted to quit. I was just “done” with it all! I wanted to return to my home in San Diego. I wanted to have a social life. I felt like maybe the book wasn’t even that good and that finishing it wasn’t as important as what I had learned thus far in terms of my own personal growth. The tasks of editing, publishing and marketing the book also seemed daunting.
Then my ego chimed in with its own concerns about what others would think about it in the end. I realized that I simply didn’t care about the book at this moment. I could take it or leave it.
Coincidentally, or serendipitously, I was starting the Faith element chapter on this same day. I had written a note in a folder regarding the opening Jesus quote for this chapter” “My God, my God, why have thou forsaken me?”
I, by no means, felt like I was being crucified. I simply felt a sense of doubt about why I had even undertaken this task of writing a book in the first place. I felt then (as I still do now) that writing it was part of my Truth and was delivered by my Intuition. In that moment, however, I also felt like it wasn’t any good and that I had wasted my time.
That quote reminded me that I was experiencing doubt and that doubt was okay. I relaxed into this concept and, in so doing, I saw that my troubles were minor, relatively speaking. I prayed. I connected with my Breath and relaxed my Body. I meditated. I recited Mantras that work for me. I engaged in a physical yoga practice alone in my tiny apartment. I meditated again. I took a warm shower and sat down in the shower and meditated again, reciting my Mantras yet again.
I did all the things that usually work for me to bring myself home to a Commune with God. I clicked my heels and went home. Then I left doubt behind.
“The problem with the world is that intelligent people are full of doubts.” -Charles Bukowski
The Day of the Dolphins
I walked along a beachside boardwalk that runs parallel to the Pacific Ocean in San Diego one day, years ago. It is a walk I have taken many times, and always enjoyed. Sometimes I would spot a dolphin out of the corner of my eye as I trekked along. On this particular day, I peeked to my side to look at the ocean and spied one jumping out of the water. I walked further, peeked over again and saw the dolphin jumping again. I continued on my walk. Every time I looked over, I saw the dolphin jumping out of the water.
I think dolphins are beautiful, magical, mystical creatures. They represent Divinity to me. I equated this experience with a comforting Divine blessing for the day. To me, it was an affirmation that my life was on track. I smiled and felt a deep sense of happiness each time I saw that dolphin. I even looked around me on the boardwalk to see if anyone else had seen what I had seen; I so wanted to share the experience with someone else! I mentioned what I had just seen to a tourist couple passing by.
“There are dolphins out jumping today!” I said, pointing seaward. Nothing. No dolphins jumped. Oh well. The tourists shrugged and politely marched on their way.
After they were gone, I looked up again and, sure enough, there was the dolphin jumping out of the water again! The dolphin continued to follow me on what was about a two-mile hike along the water. I saw the whole experience as a message that this was a private moment I wasn’t meant to share. I smiled, and was full of Gratitude each time I looked over and spotted the dolphin, jumping, just like clockwork.
At some point I looked over and the dolphin wasn’t there. I wasn’t upset about this at first; I was convinced that I would still see this Divine creature again. I looked several more times─ no dolphin. Each time I had witnessed a glorious jump from the ocean, I had felt so joyful and so blessed. Now, nothing! Suddenly, I was angry at a dolphin!
I realized that my overall mood had changed. I was not happy. I stopped and stared out at the ocean. The scene was still very beautiful. I loved the feel of the ocean air on my skin and the sound of the waves. In that moment, I realized that I was still very blessed. I also realized that the dolphins, including the dolphin I had seen, were all still there out in the ocean. I didn’t need to see them to know that they were around. In fact, I didn’t need to keep desperately seeking “synchronicities” or be witness to constant overt miracles like the jumping dolphin in order to feel blessed.
I had experienced, albeit briefly, that addictive aspect of Bliss whereby we enjoy it so much that when its immediate object disappears, we feel slighted. We feel entitled to more, and forget to be grateful for what we’ve already had.
I finished my walk, but this time I didn’t keep looking over my shoulder. I didn’t expect to see a dolphin anymore. I enjoyed the walk and the blessing of being able to stroll along and enjoy the ocean atmosphere. In my mind, I thanked the dolphins for being there on my walk, both seen and unseen.
No coward soul is mine
No trembler in the world’s storm-troubled sphere
I see Heaven’s glories shine
And Faith shines equal arming me from Fear
No coward soul is mine
No trembler in the world’s storm-troubled sphere
I see Heaven’s glories shine
And Faith shines equal arming me from Fear
No coward soul is mine
No trembler in the world’s storm-troubled sphere
I see Heaven’s glories shine
And Faith shines equal arming me from Fear
ALCHEMY
Wisdom informs our Faith to see the bigger picture of a situation and look beyond challenges.
Acceptance and Non-Attachment allow us to move through and beyond any Changes that may manifest in the form of suffering and loss. If we can do this, then our Faith will endure.
Courage allows us to move forward in our Faith despite challenge and adversity.
Practices of Devotion, Prayer and any other forms of Communion represent methods of remaining close and/or turning in towards our Divinity.
Reason can support Faith in that it discourages blind Faith and questions weak Faith for further exploration and development. Reason, when exhausted, can also acknowledge Faith (as knowingness) as a rational conclusion (See Reason element).
Intuition informs Faith as well, confirming our path, guiding us when we are in doubt.
PRACTICE
- Develop a go-to repertoire of Communion-related activities that will assist you in times of doubt, such as Meditation, spending time in Nature, seeking the company of those you love, and committing acts of Service. Do not deny or try to repress your doubt; when we repress or deny our feelings, they cause discomfort and distress deep within us, whereas when accepted for what they are they can be alleviated.
- Examine how resistance to Change in your life might be inhibiting your Faith. What major changes are occurring in your life? What is the degree of control that you have over these changes? How might you move towards Acceptance of these changes?
- Take inventory of past changes in life and think about how you handled them. This may involve a writing exercise, and/or consulting with those who knew you at the time of change and were even affected by it themselves (i.e. a merger at your company, your family moving homes).
- When in doubt, engage in Service to others— even if it’s not one of your “go-tos.” Help those who are more in need than you are. Service to others can be a distraction in some ways, but more importantly is a method of Communion that puts us in touch with our Divinity while bringing up Healing forces like Empathy, Generosity and Love.
MANTRA/PRAYER
I Am Fully Supported By The Universe.
I Am Not Alone. I Know God is with Me. Thy Rod and Thy Staff Comfort Me.
My Life Unfolds In Divine Order
I Trust Life. I Trust My Path. I Trust God.
I Am Pure Energy, Peace at This Moment, Courageous and Willfully Present
No Coward Soul Mine; I See Heaven’s Glories Shine (derived from With wide-embracing love
Thy spirit animates eternal years
Pervades and broods above,
Changes, sustains, dissolves, creates and rears
Emily Bronte)